I went to see that movie Hancock tonight, it was good except for the predictability if that is a word. And I recommend seeing it. But if your humour doesn't quite extend to laughing at lines like 'I'm going to break my foot off in your ass' being said to old ladies, then maybe you won't get the same fulfillment I did.

That was one badly written paragraph, so props to anyone who got through it.

I go back to uni on monday, which I'm actually keen for, because there's something about the lack of structure in my uni-break life that I'm finding strangely unsettling, and I just can't relax. Plus, I'm really needing to get back to the gym, which is going to be much easier when it's a 4min walk from uni, compared to a 20min bus ride from home.

Only problem is, I HAVE 8AM LECTURES on mondays, thursdays and fridays, which not only means I have to be out of the house for a ride share with caros mum at 7:20am, it also means MY BODY CLOCK IS GOING TO BE ALL MESSED UP for the next semester. Doesn't any robot organising my timetable CARE that my 8am starts are ALL OVER THE PLACE so I'll NEVER ADJUST unless I get up at 6:30 EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF THE SEMESTER?

seriously, look at it, Saturday Sunday 8AM MONDAY, Tuesday, Wednesday 8AM THURSDAY, 8AM FRIDAY... back to Saturday hope you had a fun week, lets do that again...

I actually work in town til 8pm on thursday so I'm gunna be in town for about 13 hours when you count in travel time, I'm gunna spend all my money on food I eat like a fucking fat kid in a candy store, I think there's something wrong with me. Or maybe I just indulge my urges more than regular people.

OKAY so anyway this wasn't meant to be a bitchfest, so lets act positive about my 8am starts at least I don't finish uni at 6pm every night anymore. Even if that has to become my new bedtime it's ok

Right, so, moving on. Thanks to my wonderful rich relatives bailing us out, we now own 2 houses. Even though we can't afford more than 1. At all. We are poor as church mice now. ALSO my parents are obsessively going up to the other house and like, apparently, ripping it apart to make way for renovations. And taking up test pots of paint to try out... somewhere... I don't really know. My old/current house still won't sell, so we may have to rent.

I've only seen the new house once, weeks ago, so I don't really have a clue what my parents are doing to the place, or why they feel the need to go up there twice a day every day. Mum keeps telling me they have a wood fire up there and she keeps getting that going so it's nice and warm, I just don't understand why the place needs to be warm when none of us are actually living there.

Okay.

I've decided to go to bed because nobody is reading this because nobody needs to hear me bitch about a house I boycott and a timetable that'll kill me.

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never regret something which once made you smile

Well this moves that other emo journal off my page

I'm going on holiday for a few days so I should be back around Friday or something

those who have my cell# may contact me, otherwise goodbye for a week C:

- -- -

never regret something which once made you smile

Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don't feed me violins
just run with me through roads of speeding cars.
The papercuts the cheating lovers
The coffee's never strong enough
i know you think it's more than just bad luck

There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up

Gnugh..

My bf has been talking about dropping uni to join the police, and I was in full support of him cause I think he'd really enjoy being a cop more than finishing his computer science degree, he's a black belt etc and one of his old karate masters (the same guy who taught me self-defence) also used to teach police here some defence kinda stuff, plus he has some family friends who are cops so I guess he just likes the idea

anyways, it sounds like the kinda thing he'd love to do and be really good at, so I was like yeah cool go for it

well, he dropped a bit of a bombshell last night, if he does get accepted for the police training program then he has to go to the north island for 5 months

-headdesk- -headdesk- -headdesk- -headdesk-

he's really serious about us being together, and he wants us to still be together when he's gone... I mean maybe I could cope with a long distance relationship for that long I'm just scared that I'll wait 5 months and then realise one or both of us don't feel the same way anymore. He's pretty fucking serious about us being together though, it scares me half to death just because I've only recently had a long-term relationship end and I'm not ready for another one. Like, I know this guy had a thing for me for the past 2 years or so, but we only got together about a month ago, and last night he brought up the fact that if we're still together when I finish uni and go to Japan we'd have to be apart for 6 months/12 months depending how long I teach for. I nearly died, seriously, it's 3 years til I finish uni ;_; This guys done everything to prove to me that he really cares about me, but I just don't know how he can possibly feel that strongly. It scares the shit out of me ): I don't even want to think about whether I'll be in a relationship with any guy at the end of uni, because I really don't know where I'll be spending the rest of my life, and if I have to leave someone behind... ;_;

He's a really good guy, and I know he'd never do anything to hurt me, but he is so serious about us and I just don't understand it. He tried to tell me he was falling in love with me, but the l-word just about has me reaching for a strait-jacket these days. I don't want to go there ever again I really don't

5 months without him ggggaaahhh why must everybody grow up and start their careers D: stupid 'get better work stories' campaign that convinces kids to join the police (it worked on my cousin too)

ffs... when am i going to catch a break...

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never regret something which once made you smile

EXAMS - nearly over!
HUBS - done!
CELS - done!
LING 16th June

Yay, my two most important exams are over! neither of them were particularly horrific, so I probably passed both HUBS and CELS my life isn't over!

Well, I guess we'll see when I get my results, but I didn't need to do that well to pass so it's going to be very embarrassing if I fail.

Anyways, now I have a few days of freedom before I have to hit the books for linguistics, so I'm making the most of it xD

I even went to the gym yesterday which I've managed about twice in the past 6 weeks, I'm so unfit I nearly die when I go there now xD it's awful. Gunna try and go tomorrow if I can be bothered dragging my ass outta the house. I spent the past couple of weeks lying on my bed studying and eating study-candy but in another couple of weeks I'm off to hanmer springs to soak in hot pools for about 4 or 5 days, not sure im really bikini fit right now XD it's the middle of freakin winter, got all my layers of 'insulation' to keep me warm plus mats dog gave my tummy a big scratch the other day when he decided to stomp on me for a cuddle, so that's gunna look hot if it doesn't heal up. Last time I went to hanmer I lost my belly button ring in a pool and spent an hour repiercing my belly the next night, so this time I'm bringing plenty of spares >:

Ummm so what else is new >_> oh
I've been to see my new house, it's ok, very freakin ugly on the inside. And there are 3 showers, for some reason. And my parents want to knock out one of the internal walls and put french doors in another to make some sort of SUPER room. But they have no money, haha.

I went to counselling for the first time in about 6 weeks and my counsellor managed to ask me if I had an eating disorder and ask whether or not I wanted anti depressants, in the space of about 40min. I really thought I wasn't so crazy right now but apparently I don't come off that way? I've had a couple of really scary emo moments about 2 weeks ago where it felt like all my craziness had come back, but other than that I've been alright. I'm on St Johns Wort to alleviate stress or something, not sure whether it works but think it might at least be having a placebo effect on me because it seems to have helped.


Aaaanyways that's enough about me, thought I'd do some of those fun little questions at the bottom of my journal like nekophoenix does, which you can answer if you feel like it x3


1. If you could be reincarnated, what would you like to come back as?
2. Which do you prefer: English bull dogs or poodles?
3. How many different houses have you lived in?


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never regret something which once made you smile

HUBS 6th June
CELS 9th June
LING 16th June

Probably about 6 or 7 weeks ago I found out my house was going up for sale, and that we were racing to try and sell it so that we could buy this other house which my parents had fallen in love with.

There's a dip in the property market right now, and no-one wants to buy a house.

It's worked for us in one way, the house we were racing for never sold to anyone.

But neither has our house >:

A couple of my uncles have come to the rescue though, one even offered to buy our house o_o god they must really care about my mum (they're her brothers) to make an investment like that with the way the property market is going right now.

Well, mum didn't want him to take that risk, but instead they're helping us out with lending us deposits or paying mortage payments or something, so we're buying the other house even though our house hasn't sold and we pretty much have no money. My parents are poor, and now we're even poorer.

Yay for me, pretty sure I'm going to have to go live somewhere else because I know I'm the most expensive person in the house, I eat a ton and I take 30min showers and run my heater all day to use up all the power. Guess I'll go live at uni, they have free showers all over the place and I've always said I'm going to live there one day. >: I have 24hr access to some nice warm computer rooms too XD one of those rooms has a couch + resident sleeping bag in it for people like me.

Anyways, we're going to get this other house but our house still hasn't sold, so not sure when I'll be moving there (if ever). My mum told me, she promises we'll be moved out before Christmas. Christmas! Jesus, I may as well not even bother, I'm moving out of home next year anyway o_o so I guess it doesn't even matter what this house is like, I'll be living out of a cardboard box when I get there anyway!

I've seen a couple of photos of the interior of this place, it's pretty fucking hideous but my parents have big plans to do it up. I cut in every now and then with snarky comments about how they have no money to do anything about it, so they love me a lot right now. Pretty sure after ~7 weeks of having my couch, computer chair, tv + tv table etc confiscated and put in storage never to be seen again, I have the right to make the occasional snarky remark. Seriously, I've been good, I haven't even whinged once about the fact that every Sunday I roll up nice and early from wherever I've been the previous night, just so I can tidy up everything on my floor/comp desk/bookcase etc so that my room is empty, then vacuum it, then make my bed, then light some candles so that it smells good, etc etc etc and then get kicked out of the house for an hour so that we can have an open home, and then come back around 3pm so I can finally have my morning shower. Seriously, my parents polish the freakin shower for the open home, so I'm not allowed near the bloody thing til the open home is over. I don't think I even get to brush my teeth until after, everything in the bathroom that we own is hidden and replaced by pretty things which we pretend we use, we even have open-home soap. No kidding.

Okay so this turned into a huge bitchfest about the fact that no-one has bought my freakin house no matter how many candles I light.

The point was meant to be that my uncles are amazing and even my grandparents called up to offer us money, which was really sweet, I'm sure they're about as poor as us.

My uncles are rich computer techies or something, I hope my brother is like that one day maybe he'll buy me a house when I'm old, too! haha

Okay so time to go back to cramming for exams... It's getting kind of pathetic, I even have podcasts from my lectures on my mp3 player so that I can keep studying while I'm out for a walk or whatever :/

Props to anyone who read all of that without falling asleep/un-watching me or both

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